carry that weight
by strawberryhill
Summary: Maybe she isn't surprised at all.


At night, when she's trying to fall asleep, she can still hear the sounds of the battle, the dying screams of those who were not as fortunate as the survivors. As she closes her eyes, she can still see the way the light shooting out of their wands blended with the luminance of the rising sun as the battle resumed after it was revealed that their hero was alive. But really, most of all, the last thing she thinks about before she drifts away is how she can still feel the melancholy hanging in the air, seeping into her as she had stared at the family of redheads circled around the lifeless body that had only just left them forever.

She wants to help him, and it hurts her, it really tears her apart to see him like this. Being an only child alienates you from certain aspects of having a real family. Family has no definition but _Weasley_ to her, and with Fred gone she can barely feel the warmth of what they used to be, even when Molly tries her hardest to put on a brave face and make her children happy with what they've got.

Ron will not talk about it with her. It isn't like he came right out and announced that Fred's death was a taboo subject between the two of them: it was like an unspoken rule, and Hermione, never the rule-breaker, abided faithfully. That summer, the summer after the war has been won, she stays with them, and more than half of her time is spent with Ron. She knows better than to bring up Fred's name while they're alone, so she'll talk about a book she's just finished, or how beautiful the lake looks at this time in the afternoon, in hopes that whatever she says will take his mind off of the pain he's always feeling. His responses aren't blatantly half-hearted, but are more like he is trying so hard to catch up with her, but his train just can't make it over the hill.

She does want to talk about it with him. She thinks that maybe she needs to be brave, like she was during the battle when she embraced him with a powerful kiss, but she doesn't know how to be brave when the man she loves is hurting more than she could ever imagine. (She thinks about it, and she takes back the "emotional range of a teaspoon" comment from a few years ago.) But she respects him, more than anyone, and she respects the fact that he's just too broken to talk about losing his brother.

Sometimes when they're alone, while she reads a book to him, her voice soft and languid, she'll reach over to the hand that's closest to her and slip her fingers in between his. He doesn't do much but keep a fierce grip on her hand like he's hanging on for his life. She'll smile sadly to herself but will keep reading the story to him, the rhythm of her speech consistent, hoping that maybe one day this wall between them can be broken down.

Once when they're sitting in his room together, after dinner one night, he startles her by chuckling darkly and saying, almost inaudibly, "And I always complained about having so many older brothers." It's the first time he's actually acknowledged it aloud, and it makes her heart break, which she, being the smart girl she is, knows isn't possible, but she feels a strange tug of pain in there.

She realizes he doesn't want to have a big discussion about Fred, but she knows she has to do something, so she crosses the room to where he's sitting on his bed and closes the space between them, sitting down next to him. She buries her face into his shoulder, and she can feel the bass drum of his beating heart, and it calms her down a little. With a shaky breath, she says, her voice muffled, "Don't go blaming this all on yourself, Ronald Weasley," in the tone she only uses with him. They stay like this for a while, his hand slowly rubbing on her back in small patterns and hers in her lap, until they settle down and fall asleep together.

She doesn't expect for Fred's funeral to be very easy on any of them. She wants to help Ron and his family with the preparations and the food for the party afterwards, if you can even consider it a party when she knows it won't be very happy at all. Molly tells her not to worry, they'll handle everything, and Hermione backs off, because as much as she wanted to help, she knew Ron had to do this alone. So she sits on the sidelines in her black dress, watching everyone bustle around, preparing a shindig for a dead man. It's a little depressing, and even though she didn't know Fred that well (partially because she spent most of her time trying to tell him apart from George), she knows that he would appreciate it. Maybe even enjoy it. 

She stands next to Ron outside for the burial, where Fred's body will be laid down in the ground next to where they would play pick-up games of Quidditch near their home. She stands ramrod straight as she listens to every word the official says about how Fred was a great, kind, loyal man, and even though he isn't with us now, he died fighting for a cause, which was a brave thing to do.

The man officiating the funeral is still talking, going on about how losing a family member is difficult, and everyone reacts in different ways, and Hermione's starting to get hot, beads of sweat dripping down the back of her neck. A small distance away she sees Ginny and Harry, her head resting on his shoulder, and she feels guilty that she's not doing anything to comfort Ron, but she knows that if he needs her, he'll do something about it when he wants to.

Really, it's when George is giving the eulogy that it happens.

As they're still standing there under the hot sun behind the Burrow, listening to George's heartfelt speech, she feels his familiar fingers intertwine with hers, gripping them with the same ferocity as always. His head falls onto her shoulder, almost in slow motion, and his body begins to heave with sobs. He keeps quiet, but she silently lets him know that it's okay for him to let it out. It's the first time he's cried about this in front of her since it happened, and now that she thinks about it, maybe she isn't surprised at all.

**a/n: so deathly hallows part 2 was absolutely amazing. especially that kiss. a lot of people are complaining about the angle, but i thought it was perfect. anyways, i was listening to the soundtrack for dh2 and this one track that they play at one point in the film inspired me to write the first paragraph, which evolved into this. yep.**


End file.
